How do you define success?

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It’s not as simple as sitting down and crafting a life success statement. If you do that you will only end up with more goals. Most of you are more than capable of setting goals. We’ve gone past setting goals. It was discussed in the previous section. Now it’s about tapping into what will offer you a sense of personal accomplishment in your life. Personal success is most often linked with your own sense of purpose. It’s what many may refer to as your calling.

We all have a calling. It’s just a matter of finding it.

I realize I just said that like you can just run to your local drugstore and pick up your calling from the pharmacist. If only it were that easy. I recognize it’s not that easy but that doesn’t make it any less necessary. I can’t tell you exactly what your calling is but I do have some things you can do that will help you tap into your inner voice. 

Your inner voice is often what will help you recognize your calling. We all have that small voice in our heads that often speaks to use from the heart. You may even feel it in your gut on occasion. The challenge we tend to encounter when we’re working to tap into our inner voice is that it’s not very loud.

It tends to be overshadowed by the often loud expectations of our families, bosses, society and everything else we encounter on a daily basis. It’s a small inkling you get when you least expect it. It’s not often a big, dramatic thing. Your inner voice is most easily heard when your world is quiet.

Often we’re most tapped into our calling as kids. Since we’re not burdened with the responsibilities and expectations of life we have the luxury of doing the things we enjoy most. As we age, life intervenes and we no longer have the luxury to only do the things we enjoy most.

Over time, we give up on our calling especially if it’s not considered realistic. Some people’s calling can be turned into a career with relative ease. If your calling is to care for others you may go into the medical field. If your calling is to fight for the rights of others, you may go into the legal field or become a police officer. If your calling is to educate people, you may become a teacher or professor. 

But what if your calling is to build furniture? What if your calling is to entertain or tell stories?

Those callings aren’t necessarily very practical. It can be tough to figure out how to make a living doing these things. Yes there are people that do make a living at them but they’re considered the exception, not the rule. However they’re often people who had a calling that they chose to pursue in spite of the world’s objections.

You don’t have any insight into the personal challenges they may have encountered following their calling. It’s pretty safe to presume that they had to find a way to do what they loved most as well.

If you don’t nurture your calling, even if it’s part time, it could sink into the recesses of your mind and be virtually forgotten. Since it’s your calling and a reflection of your innermost desires, it will never be completely lost. Here are some things you can do to bring it to the forefront

1. Meditate 

Sitting in stillness with just you and your thoughts is a great way to hear that small, quiet voice inside of you. People meditate for a variety of reasons—to find peace, to be spiritually centered and to tap into your innermost thoughts among other things.

2. Hike or walk outside Being outdoors in nature can be very calming and centering. It can allow you time to be alone with your thoughts in a natural environment. You don’t have to live in the country or the mountains to benefit from nature. If you live near a park or green space, go for a walk in the park. You can still get the benefits of nature even if you live in an urban area.

3. Controlled, repetitive movement Practices like yoga, tai chi and Pilates can be done for exercise as well as mental centering. The movements involved in these practices and ones like them allow you to focus on your breathing and motion.

It frees your mind up to explore itself or become fully relaxed. The repetition of movement can be mentally soothing and allow that small voice to come through.

4. Write in a journal 

Journaling is a great way to express your thoughts openly without judgment. You can write exactly what you’re feeling in the moment. Many people keep their feelings to themselves because they’re unsure how others will receive them. Writing those things in a journal helps you get them out of your head without the fear of negative consequences or reactions. Journaling can also help you tap into your deepest thoughts. Even if you don’t realize it in the moment, when you write something you have a record of it. You can go back and gain some insight into yourself and what’s most important to you. 

5. Talk to someone 

Sometimes it helps to talk through things. If you have a confidant that you can have frank conversations with as it relates to your life and where it’s going, do it. It has to be a judgment free conversation though. You can’t be hesitant to speak freely. It’s important that you can openly share what’s in your heart. You should also be able to have more than one conversation like this. In fact, it may require a series of conversations before you truly tap into your calling. Your confidant should be open to these conversations but they don’t have to be one sided conversations. You both can help each other. If you don’t have a confidant, a therapist is a great option. You can let the therapist know that you are seeking insight into your calling or purpose and your sessions can focus on that. Just be prepared for these conversations to delve into different areas of your life in the process. 

Ultimately it’s important to define what would mean success for you. You need to know what your big picture life goal is. This is an intensely personal journey that you will take alone. Even if you have a confidant or therapist, that person will not be taking the journey with you. Their role will be to help you discover your path but it is yours to take.

But you must be prepared to be patient. If you haven’t been honoring your calling all this time, it won’t just come charging to the surface because you want it to. You may have to peel back some personal layers before you get to the meat of it all.

This process won’t be easy. There are some moments where things will come easily and feel amazing. There are going to be other moments where it will be hard and painful. You will be forced to face things you’ve tucked away over the years.

This is necessary and should be experienced. I know I said it wouldn’t be easy and I’m going to keep repeating it. You have to be prepared for this process to unfold over time. Use any of the tools I just shared. One may be sufficient but you may need to use more than one. That’s fine. These are here to help you discover your calling.

If you have to use all of them, do it. There is no specific way you should take advantage of these tools. Use them in the way that you see fit. The point of everything I just discussed in this chapter is that in order for you to aim for success, you have to be clear about what it is. That requires you to take personal stock in what means the most to you. 

This process requires you to be selfish. You can’t approach it with others in mind. Like I said, this is YOUR journey. You have to take it alone. But rest assured that once you’ve defined your version of success you will be able to share that feeling of accomplishment with others. 

When you are confidently following your own path you inspire others to do the same. In this case being selfish is ultimately the best thing you can do for the other people in your life.